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The Republic of Lucastan
The Government

Updated 3/14/2004

The Great Seal of Lucastan  

Immunity for Sale!

Certificate of Immunity

Our Grand Panjandrum, in his infinite greed, is offering official Certificates of Immunity.  No need to eat bugs or win challenges.  Just cough up the Big Bucks and you won't be voted off.  Even "mopery on a public highway" is safe, so you may now mope to your heart's content.

Apply today!



Stu Lucas, Rochelle Park, NJ

The Grand Panjandrum
Emperor for Life
Arbitrary, Capricious and Final Dictator
Benign Despot

Email the G.P !


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Pat Lucas , Rochelle Park, NJ

H.R.H. Empress
Consort in Chief
Power Behind the Throne


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Mohammed "Moe" Saeed al-Sahaf, In Transit

Lucastan Minister of Information
Counterfactual Press Secretary

Mindy Maidens, Fort Lee, NJ

The Chief Justice of the High Bench
The Speaker of the House of Parliament
The Ombudsman for Conflicts of Interest

Kevin Gately, Glen Rock, NJ

Commandant of the Marine Corps
High Lord of the Admiralty
Sergeant Major of the Militia
State Advocate of Alcohol, Tobacco and Illegal Firearms

Ruth Ancona
Ruth Ancona, San Francisco, CA

Minister at Extra Large
Keeper of Platinum Blonde Jokes

Jim Sadur, Wayne, NJ

Minister of Technology (low, medium and high)
Chief of Object-Oriented Mischief

Bob Sadur, USA & Russia

Roving Minister of Wanderlust
Minister of Loud Noises
Chairman of the Cat Licensing Committee
Foreign Secretary for RGs

Col. Bill Larkin & Marge Larkin
Fairlawn, NJ

The Minister of Defense and
The Minister at Large
(Small & Medium are open)

Nancy Pool, Denville, NJ

Secretary of State
Administrator of Frequent Flyer Miles

Larry Pool, Denville, NJ

Minister of Agriculture
Animal Control Warden
Secretary of Health and Swimming Pools

Lou Barbieri, Denville, NJ

Minister of the Department of Redundancy Department

Jim Gelman, Fort Lee, NJ

Solicitor General
Procure-rater in Chief
Curator of the National Library of Lawyer Jokes

Marianne Morris, Cranbury, NJ

Minister of Fashion & Blue Dresses
Holder of the Sacred Rings of Lucastan

Linda Marine, Paterson, NJ

Archbishop of Mangajang
Patriarch of Ulithi
Keeper of the Lucastani Bingo Receipts

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Martha Young, Ramsey, NJ

Minister of Interior Design and Potty Plants
Keeper of the Official Hanging Gardens

Paul Kuklinski, Ramsey, NJ

Minister of Off-Shore Banking and Hot Horse Tips

Stan Goddes, Kauai, Hawaii

Minister of Oceanic Meteorology
Lucastani Protector against
Hurricanes, Typhoons, El Niño, La Niña and Mud Slides

Boris B., Pottsylvania

Head of the Secret Police

Dorothy Hickson, Washington, DC

Lucastan Drug Czarina
High Priestess of Isis
Minister of Education, Re-education, and Discipline

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Janice Terry, San Leon, TX

Minister Without Portfolio, Laptop, or Cellphone


Dr. Steve Langer
Dr. Steve Langer, Crete, IL

Minister Of Bawdy Houses
Sexual Licence & Loose
Ladies In Waiting

Paul Anderson
Paul Anderson, Leander, TX

Minister of Night Owls
Custodian of brown-eyed & green-eyed Texas XXXX-Large/Tall Tales

Kevin Cox
Kevin Cox, Springfield, IL

Head of Bureau of Printing & Engraving, Funny-Money and Philately.
Keeper of the Lucastani Saxophone & Bagpipes

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Mark vanVuuren, Johanneburg, RSA

Minister of the Third Men's Loo, Newark, NJ
Collector of Bribes

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Mark Lamendola, Kansas City, KS

Commissioner of Common Sense
Marshall of Martial Arts

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Mirabelle Sachs, Dover, NJ

Ambassador to Botswana, Mozambique, RSA and
all Points South Thereof

David Smith, Cincinnati, OH

Farsighted Minister of Y3K problems & Assorted (nutty) Cookies

Harris (Smoky) Deaton, Pottsboro, TX

Curator of the Official Lucastan Museum
(a remarkable institution devoted to a variety of illicit things)

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Kathe Oliver, Florham Park, NJ

Minister of Non-Sex Education and Rewriting History

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Neal Oliver, Florham Park, NJ
Minister of Telephony; Email Master; Head of Dept.
of Disinformation.

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Alex Oliver, Florham Park, NJ
Minister to Miniature Golf, Marshmallows and Mints, Coordinator of Tonka Toys, Erector Sets and Lionel Trains

Linda Higgins, Yamato, Japan
PC Minister in Charge of Spellink. Chief of the Grammar Police

Kirk D Bailey, St. Petersburg, FL

Minister of Agitprop & Chief of all propellor-heads
Evil Moral (err.. Morale) Officer

Mia Foster, Colorado Springs, CO

Minister of Testudine, Cetacean & Pinniped Communication
High Priestess of Sonar & other assorted fishy folk

Emmet Baker, Plymouth, Mass.

Minister Plentypotent, Dreaded Collector of all Taxes
Ambassador to Republic of Micronesia
(Yap State ; Ulithi Atoll ; Mangajang Island)

  Liz Collins, West Orange, NJ

Minister of Creative Accounting
Chancellor of the ExChequer (Is In The Mail)
Custodian of the Tiny, Tinny, Treasury Tin Can Repository
Player of Piano, in Absentia

Marianne Breiter, Jersey City, NJ

Ambassador to China and Outer Mongolia
Official Acupuncturist at large and keeper of the Sacred Pins and Needles

Baron John I, Toronto, Canada

Baron of Caux

Alan Dadisman, Alpine, CA
Minister of Electromechanical/Redevelopment Underdevelopment
Official Master of Bollywood digital fakery and 'trompe l`oeil'

Bob Vandenbosch, Rotterdam, Holland

Minister to the Rotterdam Dutch (and the other dam Dutch)
Official Amsterdam window shopper, Finger in the Dyke and Tilter of Windmills.

Nick Miller, Prague, Czech Republic

Minister of Total Noodle Effrontery, Hot Tubs,
and fenceless Nudist Camps/Beaches

Michelle Lamb,  Oceanside, Calif.

Minister of the Exterior
(cosmetics, wrinkle-removers, lineaments and the like)
Official long view watcher of the wide Eastern Pacific

Jack Crone, Klamath Falls, Oregon
Official Departmental Minister of Vice Preservation & Prevention of Virtue
Secret Coordinator of Covert Inspections


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David Duke, Aiken, SC
Official Leader of brash know-it-all adolescent Lucastanis
(with Motel 6 crying towel for drying off behind ears)
Official Dowser and seeker of Dihydrogen Monoxide.
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Alan Bases, Bartonsville, PA
Minister of Glutony. Fubsy Official protector of minorties
And Protector of the otherwise demented
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Frank Betz, Warren, NJ
Minister of Greed and Official Broker of
penny stocks IPOs and failed dot coms.,
and suchlike Enronviromental matters.
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Joeri Van Lieffering,   Brussels, Belgium
Official translator of Urdo to Tagalog.
Basque to Bulgarian or Babylonian &
Verse Vice for you name it!
(Pennsylvania Dutch excepted)
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Amit Das, Calcutta, India
Minister to the Indian sub-continent, and all points South
Overseeer of the Himalayas
Official tamer of Bengal Tigers
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Miriam Fisher, Stroudsburg, PA
Minister of Snow Removal, Plows and Ice Sculptures
Develish Directress if Improper Fallen Snow Angels
Stan Parker, Shingletown, California
Minister of CSI
Official tracer of lost persons, TV remotes, misplaced keys, old dog tags, and socks.
Custodian of black and yellow "POLICE LINE, DO NOT CROSS TAPE"
Ulithi_composite.jpg (51219 bytes) Paul Blass, Florham Park, NJ
Minister of Near Space and
All Bodies within 3.14159 AU of Ulithi
Custodian of the official pair o' lax

The Minister of Near Space checks the 3.9 meter telescope prior to a night’s observing session. He claims Lucastan is an almost ideal site for astronomy. Though admittedly low (only 170 cm elevation), the “seeing” is superb. Other observatories, even when built on isolated mountaintops, are faced with ever-increasing haze and light-pollution from encroaching cities. In contrast, the primary industries of Lucastan (innovative financial institutions, pharmaceuticals, and rapid marine transport) are quite anxious NOT to draw attention to themselves. External lighting bans are rigorously enforced. In addition, its low latitude (only 10 degrees N) permits the entire sky to be observed, save for a small area immediately around the Southern Pole. The Grand Panjandrum’s personal support of the Ueg Observatory has enabled it to become a world-class facility.


Awaiting Unflattering Photos

Dr. Marilyn A. Coleman, Richwood, Ohio
Ministerial overseer of chicken-shit offal-icial Govt.
Regulatory Agencies. Designated AuntyM for Eggzact Egg
Antibodies. Official counter of/to Col. Sanders chickens.

Yeschiel Mann, Eshher, Israel
Official Minister to Israel
Designated translator of Hebrew to Englitch
and verse... (vice taking care of itself)
Appointed ignorer of Yiddish

Steve Mason, Laguna, Calif.
Official Minister of Orgies
Official Coordinator of Mrs. & Miss-Information



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Send them to the Grand Panjandrum!


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