The Republic of Lucastan
Survival Preparedness



The Great Seal of Lucastan
Well, to the great disappointment of all the citizens of Lucastan, the Y2K bug did not bring society to its knees.  However, with Hillary Clinton in the Senate and  another 1200 "dot Com" companies going under this year, anything can happen!  Since we have many former Scouts among us, we should always BE PREPARED!

The Basics

Food, clothing and shelter are our basic needs.  Since Y2K should not cause your consulate to collapse or your cloths to stop fitting you, food supplies will be required.  Here is all we will really need:

Food and Drink

The preferred Lucastani method is, of course, to dunk your Twinkies in Jim Beam before eating them.



All the Lucastani consulates will need to stay in touch to maximize our rise in the New World Order.  These practical long distance Information Transfer Servers will not only get the message through but make a tasty meal when the Twinkies run out:

Communications Servers



All Lucastani citizens must protect themselves from the panic stricken mob.  The Ministry of Defense has specified the Gun, Band, Rubber - Mark 1 (MIL-6SJ7GT) as the official weapon of choice.


This formidable weapon will fight off any small children trying to steal our Twinkie or condom supplies.  It also has the advantage that all ammunition is re-usable.



Since all electronic computing devices will be nothing more than doorstops after Jan. 1, the Bureau of Standards and Technology  has decided that the slide rule will be the only computing device we will need.

K&E Log Log Duplex Decitrig Slide Rule

The obvious choice is the Keuffel & Esser Log Log Duplex Decitrig.  Lucastani citizens may be eating cold beans out of a can, by candlelight, but we will all be able to compute hyperbolic cosines and cube roots without electricity!  The Minister of Technology promises that many fun filled hours (or days) will be enjoyed while he teaches everyone how to use it.


Special Needs

Given the extraordinary potential for physical and psychological health threats, special tools will be required to assure our survival.

Special Gear

A geiger counter will guarantee that no other nuclear power is waging radiological warfare on Lucastan by smuggling in plutonium laced Twinkies.  Condoms will assure that Humanity will not be repopulated before the production of disposal diapers is resumed.  One note:  the ration of condoms must be strictly limited to 5 per person, per day.  This is, after all, a crisis and sacrifices will have to be made.



Well, we are snug in our consulates, messages are on the wing to our compatriots.   The bourbon is flowing, the condoms are unrolling and the cosines are plentiful.   Time for some musical entertainment.  Since CDs are now better as Frisbees, we must make music the old fashioned way:

music.gif (18628 bytes)

The Ministry of Cultural Purity has determined that Tom Lehrer songs accompanied on the kazoo is all the entertainment we deserve. 



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Copyright 1999-2001 James E. Sadur.
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